Do you ever watch a person who seems to have so much confidence in their abilities that no challenge seems to large for them to tackle, while others lacking confidence are afraid to attempt things that are almost trivial for others?  Confidence is something that comes from within, unless of course you are talking about the confidence of say a team or a company.  In those cases, confidence still comes from within the collective group.

For challenges that are individual, confidence comes from within the person facing the challenge.  Take for example, something that you are very good at doing.  This may be baking a loaf of bread, playing a video game, shooting a ball into a hoop, tacking carpet to the floor, building a book-case, or whatever.  Think of something that you are good at doing.

Now, think of what you would do if someone said they would pay you a large sum of money to do this thing within what you think is a reasonable amount of time.  However, if you do not complete the task by the deadline, you will owe them a week’s pay.  Would you have the confidence to accept the deal?

Most people understand that it is something they are good at and the probability of failure is minimized and would accept the offer.  Having confidence is about understanding one’s abilities,  but also involves trusting in the universe that everything is going to be okay.

In the example above, you probably would accept the deal.  Now, what if someone told you that you can have happiness, financial security, and wealth if you perform a certain way?   Nothing illegal of course, but just something that you need to do every day for a period of time?  Would you accept the offer?  Possibly not, because it is going into an unknown area that you may not have comfort with.

People who exhume confidence typically are people who have accomplished many things in their lifetime and understand that they do not always have the answers, but have a “knowing” that they will “figure it out.”  Great leaders of companies, have the confidence to lead their entire staff in a direction that they “know” will provide a product or service that the market will demand.

Now back to the question about if you would accept the challenge to be happy, have financial security, and wealth by committing to doing specific things each day for a period of time.  Think of a great innovator or founder of a  company.  Do you think they would  accept that challenge?  Absolutely they would unless they felt the investment of time would be more excessive than the eventual reward.

Would you accept that challenge?  Possibly not, because you might not believe that you would receive the promised reward for the work that you would be doing.  You might need to be convinced that doing x, y, and z everyday is going to produce the desired outcome.  You might need to understand how those actions are related to the outcome.  You most likely would be skeptical, as you should be.  The great leader we described above would also need to be convinced as well.

There are many promises floating around in advertising, scams, and gimmicks which many people fall prey.  However, the people who have the confidence seem to know how to sift through those promises and evaluate the actions versus the outcome to make good decisions.   Do you think that is because they are any smarter than others who fall prey to those gimmicks?  Probably not, but it has much to do with the confidence in one’s abilities to do many of these things on their own.

For example, if someone promises you that if you pay them $500 they will give you $1000 back within a very short period of time.  The astute person understands that this in not a viable business model if it is in fact legitimate.  The person who falls for such a scheme hopes that somehow they are “special” and are part of a small group being offered such a deal.  The reality is their need to be “special” interferes with their head as well as their heart.

A person with the self-confidence to know that they are “special” is less apt to fall for these types of schemes because they know they can also do these things on their own.  People who have confidence know that they can do the things they want to do without having to rely too heavily on outside support.  They also pick things that are within the realm of their capabilities or the capabilities of their team.  While not having all of the answers up front they understand that they can accomplish things they have never done before.

Back to the question of doing x, y and z to achieve happiness, financial security and whatever you term “wealth” to be.  What are those x, y and z’s for you?  Well, we can tell you that you can achieve happiness right this very moment.  There is no need to look outward for anything, for everything you need for happiness is right inside of you.  In this case, it is a thought that says, “I am happy” and a belief that you can be happy at any moment of the day.

But you might say, “how can I be happy, I have this problem and that problem and this might happen, etc.”  Again, happiness is there right this moment and every moment if you choose to accept it.  Have the self-confidence that you can have all those problems and still be happy.   Most of the time those problems have not even materialized yet and you rob yourself of happiness thinking that things might get worse sometime in the future.

What is your “y”?   Maybe it’s if I go to college or earn my diploma or certification I can then do what I want to do.  Are you proceeding on that path with the confidence and knowing that you can earn that diploma or certification, or are you making excuses for why it’s not possible?  Are you willing to put in the work to do what you need to do?   Are you willing to trust that everything is in perfect order and that you can do whatever you put your mind to?  Get that inner “knowing” and move towards that beacon.

Q: How can we develop our self-confidence?

The best way for people to develop self-confidence is to start with doing an inventory of things that make them “special.”  This could be things you are good at, or traits for which you are proud.  And then make a vow to only see the “good” in yourself.

It is difficult to have self-confidence if you continually “beat yourself up” with negative thoughts and attitudes about yourself.  For example, when you look in the mirror do you focus on the areas of your body that you think are undesirable?  Do you tell yourself that you are fat?  How does that help you?  Focus on the areas of yourself that you like and for which you are proud.  Everyone has many  many good things but often time only focus on the negative.

Self confidence comes from within and comes from experience in “making it through” difficult tasks, or maybe difficult events in this lifetime.    Use that experience to help motivate and inspire you through whatever experience you have going on right now.  Look back at a time where maybe you had an injury and you made a full recovery.   Who knows what it may be, but everyone has experiences they can build on.

The only difference between someone with self-confidence and someone lacking confidence is a thought.  The person with self-confidence chooses to have confidence.  That is it.  Nothing more.   What would happen if you started “pretending” that you are a great artist and started to show others your paintings?  Or maybe you “pretend” you have your life in order and start arriving to work early?

Self confidence is a choice.  The choice is yours on whether or not you want to start behaving with confidence or not.

InspiraCard

Self confidence is available to each and everyone, but few people choose to tap into it when they need it most.  The time you need self-confidence is not after you’ve won the championship game or received a promotion, but rather after you’ve lost every game or was just laid off from your job.

Written 12/12/13