“At what point does the parenting end?”  thought the father as he mulled over the conversations with his teenage daughter that transpired over the past few days.  “It seems that I haven’t finished my work, yet the impact of my words has dramatically lessened,”  he muttered as he readied himself for work.

This is an age-old question – when is a child no longer a child, and when should the parents begin to “let go?”  For some, the transitions are easy, and for others they can be more of a challenge.  Often times, the child feels he or she is ready to “take on the world” and knows everything there is to know, but the parents know differently.

However, at some point the parenting falls on deaf ears and one can only hope that the years of parenting prior to that, is enough to instill the values that the parents were attempting to instill in their child.  Life goes on, no matter what anyone does to attempt to stop it.  At some point, the parents need to realize that their child is no longer a child and is going to make their own decisions.   Decisions that the parent may not agree with, but nonetheless,  a decision of “their own.

Parenting can be a tough job, especially when it becomes time to “let go.”  However, the challenge is when is that time?  Is that time when the child comes of legal age?  Should the government dictate when a child is an adult?  For some, that might occur naturally at a younger age, while for others, it may be at an older age.   The decision, is quite frankly not one that the parent can make.

The parent can guide and encourage their children after they realize they no longer care to take direction from their parents, but the parents need to understand that their days of “controlling” their child’s behavior may be over.  “Days of controlling” that maybe was not their intent, but had the impact to the child as being controlled.  Being told how to spend their money, what time to go to bed, what to eat, what not to eat, what not to drink, etc.  At some point, the child awakens and realizes s/he no longer cares to let others make those decisions for him or her.

At that point, the child may rebel, or may gently begin doing their “own thing.”  Some children may approach their parent, to have a discussion about some of these items.  Some parents, will argue that the child is “too young” to be making these decisions, or to behave as an adult.  Others, may have a discussion with the child, understanding that this day is coming – a day that is usually determined by the child, and not the parent nor the government.

Life ticks on, a click of the clock at a time.  The clock keeps ticking, the children keep growing, and the parents continue to age.  At some point, an “alarm” awakens the child to enter the next phase of their life.  The parents, can attempt to stifle the child, but that may be like asking a tree not to grow.  The difficulty in parenting lies in making that determination from their heart, without crumbling to the pressures of society, while balancing society’s “rules” at large.

InspiraCard

Children keep growing, and begin to get restless.  Parents, keep parenting as long as the child will take their direction.  Someday, the parenting comes to a slow stop, while the child learns to become an adult with their own experiences and lessons.

Written Wed Mar 12, 2014, 8:03 – 8:17 AM