Having “thoughtfulness” towards another goes way beyond the size of a gift one might gift another.  The concept of “thoughtfulness” is demonstrated through our actions, our conversations, and our love toward another.  Sometimes people mistake whether or not someone cares about him or her based on the amount of time or money put towards a gift they receive.  An expensive, or non-expensive gift does not truly determine how much someone cares about us.

If you would like to show that you truly love and care about another person, it is what happens throughout the year that matters – not simply what happens on a single day of the year.   We need to get over the relationship of gift size to amount of love.  They are not related, and should not be associated with each other.

Think of it this way.  You go an entire year without having contact with another person, and for a holiday a big gift shows up from them to you.  Now, we are not belittling the thought and intention that maybe someone wanted to do something nice for you.  That is a selfless action by another, which maybe the case here.  However, you now feel a little guilty because you didn’t purchase anything for them.  What do you do?

You look for another way to show that you care about them.  Maybe you pick up the phone and talk to them.  Thank them for the nice gift, and have a connecting conversation with them.   Then make the commitment to continue having conversations with them before another year goes by.  That is, if this is a person for which you would like to have a relationship with.  If not, you need to put aside any feelings of guilt and not analyze the meaning behind the gift -  which was most likely intended to let them know they care about you.

When in doubt, assume that the person is using gift giving to show they care and love you.  No more, and no less.   It’s when we start to analyze things that the ego creeps into our heads and starts to manipulate things.

Love is a wonderful thing, and unfortunately, we do not have many good models for how we can show our love for others.  For some, they hug every person they greet as a form of expressing their love for them.  For others, they like to give things that they think another needs or would want in order to bring them joy.  And for some, they show their love for others by genuinely being interested in the other person’s life.  Think about how you show your love and that you care about another.  You may not even realize how or if you show a friend or distant family member that you care about them.

It is good to understand the modalities that you use for expressing your love and to understand that your modality may not, and probably is not the modality that others use towards you.  No modality for expressing love and care about another is better than any other.  If something does not work well for you, do not feel pressured into using that modality simply to reciprocate what someone did for you.

So, when the big gift shows up, and you feel you cannot reciprocate, find another way to show you care.   What is “your way” of expressing your love?  Find it, and use that.  The ego may want you to think that you need to spend loads of money since that is what the other person did, but the ego only wants to make you feel inadequate.  You have many gifts and talents that the world would be happy to receive, so share those instead.

Life is not about measuring up against others.  Life is about using what we’ve learned to understand that there is no measuring stick outside of the ones we create in our minds.  Let go of the need to compare and contrast what we do with others.  If someone wants to give something to you, accept it and say a genuine “thank you.”

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Giving is best when the giver truly wants to provide you with something for which they think will bring you joy – which is always their intent unless the ego enters your mind.

Written Wed Dec 25, 2013, 12:22 – 12:38 PM MT