“Are you being stubborn?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Convince yourself that stubbornness accomplishes nothing, but ruining your day.”

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What is stubbornness?  Do you ever have those days when you just do not feeling like doing anything?  If your partner says “blue,” you say “red.”  If someone says it’s cold, you say you are hot.  Or, sometimes you might not say anything at all. Well, those are all types of stubbornness.

Typically, being “stubborn” is rooted in an emotional trigger.  The “trigger” could be as simple as a single word said by a close friend, family member, or partner.  When we are “triggered” we might immediately stop what we are doing and “shut down” into a state of “stubbornness.”

It’s times like these when you need to sit quietly with yourself, and “play back the game film,” without emotion.  What was it that “triggered” you?  Was it a facial expression, a look, a sound, a word or something of the like?  Now think of other similar times and analyze that “game film.”  See if you can find a common theme in the “trigger” causing you to shut down.

Okay, so now after this analysis, you may have been triggered again.  It’s important to leave the emotion out of your thoughts at this moment.  Think deep into the reasons for why a particular sound, smell or word might have triggered you.  Dig deeper and deeper into your past until you can possibly come to grips with the reasons.

Now, when you are deep into your past, you can watch other situations play out in your mind that may be the root of this “trigger.”  Look at those situations and work through all of the emotions associated with them.  Let yourself know that you are safe and you are okay.   Now that you might have a good reason for the “trigger” you can begin to deal with it.

Let’s say something happened when you were a teenager.  Maybe someone said something during an embarrassing moment.  Now, when someone says the same thing, or you are in a similar situation you are being “triggered.”  Play through the situations and ask yourself if that is a behavior that you would like to retain.  If not, you can simply “let it go!”   Yes, we know, sometimes it’s not “simple” at all, but the reality is that you create your reality and can “let it go” if you truly want to be free from it.

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Use “triggers” in your day to help uncover areas in your emotional life that might need to be processed and “freed.”  For one day you will realize that none of those things mattered, for what really matters is beyond this physical lifetime!

Written,  Thu, Feb 4, 2016 8:27 – 8:36 AM MST