Indifference is the appearance that one does not care about a particular situation, event, discussion or the like.  When you attempt to show your indifference towards someone, or something you are sometimes pretending that you do not care, when in fact you care very much.

Indifference is a technique that many people use when put in a situation where they would not like to be vulnerable.  For example, suppose you are attending a wedding and you have no one to go with you.  Maybe you are unmarried and are beginning to wonder if your “biological clock” is starting to run out.  Most of your friends are married or have found a mate, but you have neither of these things.

When you go to the wedding you enter the church and the reception alone.  You find other couples that you do not know to sit with and to socialize with.  When asked about your life, you pretend that you do not care about your current situation.  You care very much, but you really cannot do much about it.  Everyone understands and tries not to focus on that area.

Another situation might occur when you find yourself at a social gathering.  Many people are talking about a particular political issue.  You happen to be a proponent of the “other side” but no one is promoting your view-point.  Rather than appearing to be adversarial, you remain quiet, appearing to be  “indifferent” on the issue.

There is nothing wrong with these techniques.  Sometimes, feeding into the ego will give you the desire to “argue” your view-point and to prove everyone else is wrong.  Further, are you going to attend someone else’s wedding and start moping and crying on their big day because you are not the person getting hitched?  Certainly, not.

Indifference can be a “defense mechanism” that usually can be used without bringing attention to yourself.  In the case of the party, where you appear indifferent about a political issue, the people around you most likely think that you are either not aware of the issue, you do not have an opinion, or you agree with “their views.”

Now, you may start to see the potential danger in appearing indifferent.  We are not saying that you should come out “swinging” starting arguments and being unappreciative of someone else’s view-point.  However, sometimes the very act of silence can imply that you agree.   In the case of the wedding, there is nothing you can do.  You need to be gracious and truly happy for the people getting married.  Appearing indifferent to your own situation helps to keep the focus off of you and on the celebration.

However, appearing indifferent in other situations throughout your day may give the appearance that you do not care, when in fact you may care very much.  Maybe you are afraid if you “put yourself out there” you will be rejected and “shot down.”  In those cases, you need to ask yourself if you always remain indifferent will you ever get to where you would like to be?  Do you need to take a few risks to get what you are looking for?

Not necessarily as in the scenario of the party, but maybe there is something at work.  Maybe others around you are getting promotions and you are not.  You appear to like your current situation, but would really like to work in another area of the company.  However, you are afraid that if you talk to your supervisor about this desire he or she might think that you do not like your current job.  As such, you appear to not care about other things around you so that you do not look unappreciative.

As you go about your day, look to see if you are using this technique even in the smallest of ways in your life.  Maybe with your family, friends or co-workers you are appearing to be indifferent about things that you care about.  Now, being indifferent is not the same as “being easy”.

“Being easy” means that you can “go with the flow” and are easy to be around.  You do not place rules and barriers for everyone in your life to go through or around.  You are “soft” and caring without placing a moat around yourself making it difficult for those around you.   Often times, people are under the impression that if they are “easy” they appear to be weak.

When you place rules and constraints on how your friends and family interact with you, you implicitly give yourself a “power boost.”  For when people jump through the hoops and walk a tight-rope to get to  you, you may feel important.  Be aware of this today and look for road blocks, rules, and hoops that you are putting out there for others to pass through.

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When there is something that you care to avoid, appearing to be indifferent is a technique many use to stay disengaged from a situation.  When people want to feel important they place constraints on how others are to interact with them.   Look inside to see if you are consciously using these techniques and whether or not it is time to let go and be open to everyone and everything.

Written Thu Jan 30, 2014, 7:23 – 7:44 AM MT