Sometimes in life you are in a relationship that is not working out.  Maybe it’s a romantic relationship, a work relationship, or a friendship, it does not matter.   There are times when you realize that it is not going to get where you think it needs to be and you feel you are ready to move forward without that person.

How does one decide when s/he is at the point where s/he needs to sever the relationship and move forward?   These are difficult questions and are not taken lightly.  Did you give the relationship enough of a chance?  Is there anything you can do to make it work?  Do you want to make it work?  Is there really a problem with the relationship, or are you just getting bored with it and  want a change?  Is that a history that you might have – when the “newness” of a relationship wears off, you sever it and look for someone else?

There are many questions that might be going through your head, and many other questions that you might want to ask yourself.  As you know, relationships are as much your responsibility as it is the responsibility of the other person.  If you say, “he never calls or texts me,”  then we might answer with, “do you call and text him?”  Sometimes people want the “other person” to carry the relationship, as sort of a “test” to see if they like you enough to keep the relationship active.

Other times, you might be in a relationship where you know the other person cares more for you, then you do them her.  In those cases, it can be a very difficult decision for you know the other person is going to be hurt by the “break up” and you care for that person, and you do not want to see them get hurt.  However, you know the longer you leave the relationship active the harder it will be in the end to sever it, given you know in your heart that it is not for you.

Relationships need to have the commitment of all parties involved.  When you get to the point that you know you are not in the relationship any more for the reasons you originally started it, you may realize that it can never work out.  However, you also know that there is always a small “chance” that maybe it “could” work out.   That is when you need to sit quietly with yourself and let your inner self, help guide you.

When you look at your beacons, and you have arrived at one or all of them, do you see that person standing at your side?   Will that person help or hinder you from reaching those beacons?  Can you imagine being at those beacons and going on this journey without this person at your side?  Sometimes, our fear of the unknown to walk the journey without a particular person at our side keeps us tethered to that person.  If that is the case, you may need to be honest with yourself and move forward.

However, if a relationship is going through a tough time, we are not advocating you simply end it and move on in the hopes of finding someone better.  No, we are saying that there are times when you need to move on, even though you know it will be painful growth for both parties.  Do not take relationships lightly in the courtship of them, as well as in the termination of them.  Relationships can be difficult, because two independent parties may be coming together in work, love, or friendship, and those people having differing realities and belief systems.

When evaluating whether or not a relationship is one that should continue, you might look longer term down the road.  Where do you see the two of you?  Are you standing together, at a beacon that pertains to you both, or are you wandering aimlessly through the forest?  Often times people stay in a relationship because they do not want to “hurt” the other person.   Instead, they might ignore that person, chip away at their confidence, and make their life difficult.  If you are doing that, we would say that you should make a choice – stay or separate.

If you stay, then you need to be fully committed and give up on the bitterness and anger that you might have with that person – for you chose to stay.  If you move forward without that person, you need to do so with the love that brought you together in the first place, and let that person have their dignity.

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The experience of mankind is to join “forces” with others in what is called a “relationship.”  There are many types of relationships ranging from work to romantic.  Choose those relationships wisely for they can bring much happiness or add stress to you life.  However, you must realize that relationships are like the air that you breathe – without them, it is difficult to have a fulfilling life.

Written Mon Jan 13, 2014, 7:04 – 7:21 AM MT