Do you ever wonder how you can have a thought, speak it through your mouth, and then have it be totally misinterpreted by the recipient?  Often times this is the case in conversations not with strangers, but rather with people you know quite well.

Let’s suppose you have a thought about how pretty the sky looks this morning.  You see the deep purples and red colors from the sun reflecting off of the clouds in the morning sky.  You make a comment to your mate about how pretty the sky looks, thinking that they may want to take a look as well.  However, your mate decides to interpret your comment that you think s/he needs to get out of bed and get ready for work.

Why do you suppose that is?  Typically, it is because of the many challenges in physical communication.  There are many things involved in communication.  If the communication is in person, there are things such as body language, tone of voice, the look of one’s face as s/he is speaking, etc.   When communicating over the telephone the list of “queues” is shortened, but are still there.  However, now with all of the other cryptic forms of communication through the use of electronic devices, the potential for misunderstandings may be even greater.

What is it that you need to understand when communicating with people for which you have close relationships?  The first thing is that communication is a “two-way street.”   The listener as well as the speaker must both be engaged.   The listener needs to fully engage in what the speaker is saying.  When it becomes the listeners turn to speak, s/he must speak with “intention” and not simply ramble along because s/he may not have fully “heard” the speaker.  When the roles are reversed the speaker must shut down his mind to fully engage in listening.

That is the beginning step in bettering one’s communication skills.  In the example above, of the interpretation of the pretty sky comment as “you need to get out of bed,” the listener let their ego step into the conversation.   The ego will attempt to take you to a place of mistrust and resentment.  Rather than trusting their partner and listening to what s/he is saying, the listener chose to go to a place in the deciphering of the statement where maybe s/he  feels a little insecure.  Maybe the listener knows internally that it is time for him to get out of bed, and as such, interpreted the statement as such.

When these kinds of discourses occur it is important to “play back the tape” in your mind at a later point in the day, (usually before going to bed is a good time), to assess where you were at that point in time and why you made such an interpretation with what seemed to be an innocent statement.  Trust in one another.  That is part of the discussion from yesterday.

When you come from a place of love and trust, you truly believe that your mate is saying what they mean, rather than poking at you through derogatory statements.  When you trust someone, the potential for misinterpretation is reduced tremendously.

When the listener does not trust the speaker, nothing the speaker says will ever mean anything positive in nature.  Any statement, like “look at the beautiful sky” can be twisted and turned into something seemingly ridiculous.  Ask yourself if you know the speaker loves you and cares about you.  Would s/he want to say anything that would hurt you?  Why are you interpreting the body language and tone of their voice in such a way?

Yes, body language and tone of voice in the delivery of a message has lots of meaning.   Think about the context of that “hidden message.”  Is the speaker under some sort of duress, or stress?  Could that be the reason for the way the message is being delivered?   Do you trust the speaker enough to know that s/he will tell you directly what they want to tell you rather than trying to discuss the true message with body language and tone?

When you trust someone, you trust them enough to have the difficult conversations with you rather than disguising their comments with hidden language.  If you are unsure of the meaning of a statement – ask the person to clarify.  In the example above, the speaker may have replied with, “I have never seen a morning sky with so many deep red and purple colors.”  With that kind of reply to your question of  “what do you mean by that?” do you think your mate really and truly meant that it is time for you to get out of bed?

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Listen to what your heart says when interpreting the meaning of communications coming your way, and when the ego attempts to “help” in the interpretation of the message understand that the ego is simply magnifying your own insecurities.

Written Wed Dec 18, 2013