You have the car packed and the kids loaded.  As you back out of the driveway, the anticipation and excitement is building because you are going back to your childhood home for a family celebration.  However, you walk through the door and quickly realize things are different and will never be the same.

Some of the things about “going home” are always going to be different.  For one, you are maybe now much older and have a different perception of your childhood home, which may be looking a bit tired and empty.  The energy of the home seemed to have dissipated as the children grew up and moved away.  Now the home may feel a bit colder and more stale.

These are natural evolutions of your life.  The only constant is change.  However, it’s not just about going back to your childhood home, it is more about seeing the siblings and extended family that you long to connect with.

That too, is often a disappointment.  The conversation is buzzing around with many little conversations going on between the in-laws and the siblings.  The television is often providing background entertainment and noise for the few who want to watch their big game.   However, you feel there is still something missing.  The need to connect is there and even though lots of people are around, the connections do not seem to happen outside of the car ride to and fro with your mate.

Why is that?  Well, one of the difficulties of connecting at a social gathering or in a larger group is because of the dynamics.  It is difficult to get past the barriers and masks that are donned as soon as people walk through the front door into the party.  The social masks that everyone is so accustomed to wearing, is also worn, sometimes unintentionally with friends and families.  When that occurs, the tendency is for everyone to place a mask on their face to put on the “smile” while thinking much different thoughts about the person for which they are conversing with.

However, we want you to know that this can change!  When you have a relationship with friends or families you need to understand that the first way to end a battle is to lay down your arms.  Open up and put yourself out there and see if anyone responds.  You may find a small crack that you can slowly chip away at during each of the gatherings to eventually get someone to open up.   But first, you must open up to them.

Relationships can only go so far, and are limited to what can be seen on each other’s mask until each participant “opens up” to the other.  Trust in the others and let them see who you really are.   They may have blinders on and not be paying attention, but give it a try.  And keep on trying, if you would like the relationship to continue.  Take away the stubborn ego and keep on opening up to demonstrate how it is done.

Relationships can be difficult when they are one-sided in openness.  It is not like a doctor-patient relationship where one side spills all of their concerns, joys and deep thoughts about themselves.  No, it is to be a two-way relationship that is built on trust.  If you cannot trust in the others, you need to look deep inside and decide if this is a relationship that can “go deep.”  Put aside the ego, though, when attempting to make that determination. You may need to “test the waters” with a few gatherings where you genuinely  set aside any resentments and past histories to give the relationship a “fair try.”

As you walk through the front door to whatever gathering you may be attending, leave behind any past “baggage” and resentments and enter with a “clean slate.”  Open up to those that care to talk with you, showing the world who you really are.  Let down your guard and see if maybe those around you begin to open up as well.

InspiraCard

Relationships are like flowers, when given sunshine and water, which is the love of the world, they open up and show their colors.

Written Dec 24, 2013, 7:47 – 8:04 AM MT