As relationships grow older, we sometimes learn so much about another person that we think we really know and understand them.  Sometimes, we have a relationship with say a sibling where we need not speak, for we know what the other person is thinking.  Romantic relationships with a mate are sometimes that way as well.

However, this capability to communicate without the spoken word, or to truly understand a person can sometimes interfere when going through a “rough” time.  When we get to a point in a relationship where we believe we thoroughly understand “hidden” meanings behind comments and actions, we begin to negate the other person.

We begin to develop a sort of “judgment” without words.  We think we know the hidden meaning behind the gesture of not putting a dish in the washer, or leaving a sock lay on the steps.  We let little things become something when the intent may not have been there at all.  We get to know a person “so well” that we think we know what they are thinking, and their motivations behind nearly everything.

Relationships grow, and with that growth we get to know each other at a deep level.  However, the thing that we sometimes forget is that each of us is growing as a person as well.  Your mate, whom you have known for decades may now develop a taste for a food that was once off-limits.  He may now have a love for art, music, history, animals, or many other things for which he once showed little interest.

The question to ask, is whether or not the thinking that we really know and understand someone, is “negating” them.  Do we think he brought flowers home because guests are coming over the weekend and he’s trying to “show off,”  missing the intent that he just wanted to provide a random gift because he wanted you to have flowers?

When we analyze and assume, we begin to put the relationship in jeopardy.  When someone else analyzes and assumes it is best if you can maintain the course and not move the relationship to one of distrust.  Let the other person follow your lead while letting the “little arrows” simply pass you by.

Today, as you make your way through work, home, and wherever else you may go, look at your relationships.  Especially, the ones that might be going through a rough period.  Evaluate your own behavior as to whether or not you are analyzing and assuming.  Are you “reading between the lines” to uncover some hidden agenda that you know the other person is conspiring?  Let go, and take the person’s actions for their word.  Ask, if confused, and give them a chance to explain their intent.

Remember, it is the “intent” that really matters.  If someone “hurt” you, or you would like to feel “hurt” by some action, ask them if that was their intent.  If not, forgive and move forward.  If you really care about a relationship you need to have the courage to let go of all the little things.

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When we forge relationships throughout this lifetime, we are challenged by those relationships as they grow older.  Let the “honeymoon” live on, and let the other person be themselves while allowing them to think and act as they feel is appropriate without putting “extra meaning” into those actions.

Written Thu May 15, 8:07 – 8:21 AM MT