Often times you may find yourself in a relationship with a person who has a low self-esteem.  That can sometimes make things difficult for both of you.  However, it should be known that low self-esteem and lack of confidence are fairly common traits in nearly everyone, at least at some point in their lives.

When a person lacks self-confidence they often look to place blame on others for anything and everything that they feel is “wrong” in their life.  You may find that what seems like a minor event to you, is rather major and devastating to them.  They may lash out at you, for reasons that may make little or no sense to you, but are quite real to them.

Self-confidence comes from within.  When a person always looks “outside” for their validation, they often do not get the validation that they think they need.  Even when they do receive lots of external validation, it is seldom sufficient.  However, a person that looks inward for their validation, usually receives the support necessary to function in the world with confidence.

If you find yourself lacking in the self-esteem area, you might ask yourself where you look for validation.  For instance, you might feel attractive in a particular outfit.  Do you look in the mirror and find things that you like, or do you look in the mirror for the inherit “flaws” that everyone possesses?  Do you ask your mate their opinion, and when you get a positive response, do you keep looking for opinions until you get the criticism you were actually searching for?

When we have a low self-esteem, and look outward for evidence to support whatever we are insecure about, we can always find it.  When we cannot find it, we think that our mate has some hidden agenda on why they like us.  The search usually does not take long, for there are many people who like the “power” over others, and will give you the criticisms that support your insecurities.

We would recommend that you begin to look inward, for your own opinions, but more importantly for your own “truth.”  When you look inward and see who you truly are, you understand that when dealing with people who look outward, their happiness has nothing to do with you.  Happiness, and the confidence to accomplish great things, can only come from inside.

Today is a perfect day to help develop the habits of looking inward for the validation that we all seek.  If you normally, check your appearance throughout the day, you might decide to see how you really feel about yourself.  Rather than applying the facial “paint” or hair “products” you might go with something easier and more pleasant feeling to you.  Then watch without asking, throughout the day, people’s reactions.

If someone makes a comment, you might consider their source of validation and see if it is a genuine comment, or one that is coming from their lack of confidence.  Sometimes, people take what seem like “bold” steps into the unknown to unknowingly set the course for future generations.  Maybe you are that person.

When dealing with relationships that involve high levels of insecurity, we recommend that you understand and appreciate where the other person is “coming from.”  However, we want you to understand that their negative behaviors toward you, have little to do with you, but rather is an indication on how they view the world at large.  Be there for them, and help guide them through examples of your own behaviors, but do not let them begin to crumble your own self-esteem.

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So long as you look inward for the validation that we all seek, you will find that the world has very little influence over your behaviors, since you are acting from the source of your inner “truth.”

Written Mon, May 19, 2014 7:54 – 8:09 AM MT