“Why didn’t I ask a couple of questions”  the man pondered.

“Why didn’t I keep my cool?  I totally overreacted, which just escalated the situation. ”

The man sat thinking about an encounter earlier in the day with his teenage daughter.  He made a pact with himself that the next time, he would take a deep breath before speaking.  He promised himself that he would stay calm and ask good questions rather than dictating direction.

“Now, if only I can implement my plan when I get frustrated.  Time will tell, but at least now I have a plan.”

Ω

Sometimes when we encounter certain people we have a tendency to create conflict.  The reasons are many, but range from being “too alike,”  to having much differing beliefs.  The source of the conflict is not necessary to figure out, but rather having a plan of action can be important.

In the example above, the man created a plan of action when interacting with his daughter.   He decided to take a little longer before speaking.  He decided to ask more questions, rather than dictating action.  His daughter is wanting to be an adult and would like her ideas heard.  It is time for the dad to start listening to those ideas.  Listening in such a way that he takes her inputs into consideration before making a response, rather than simply waiting to state a “pre-planned response.”

Often times in relationships, we are waiting for silence so we can have the opportunity to say a “pre-planned response” without regard for what the other person stated.  We wait to speak, rather than listening.  It is as though we do not even give the other person the respect they deserve for their opinions.

The most enriching relationships occur when both parties truly listen to the other.  When we listen, we are telling the speaker that what they are saying is worthy of my time.  We are saying that I value your opinions, and would like to hear them.  We are saying that I care about what is going on in your life, and I would like to hear about it.

When we are off thinking about other things, or rather, what we are going to say next, we are ignoring the other person which whom we are conversing.  We are not listening, but rather, waiting to speak.

This applies in all aspects of our life, from interacting with our family and friends to our co-workers and customers in our job.  Think about some of your most enjoyable conversations.  Most likely, the other participant was an active listener, asking you questions.  Now ask yourself, did they think the conversation was as enriching as you?  Were you an active listener for them?

However, you must also be careful in understanding that you also must willingly participate in the conversation.  Firing off questions without volunteering any information yourself is going to the other extreme.  In those cases, you are using your “active listening” skills to deflect the sharing of any information about yourself.  Some people do not care to share with others, and get the other person talking so they do not need to share.

InspiraCard

Everything in life has two sides.  When having a relationship, the “listening” and the “speaking” parts must be balanced.  When they are out of balance, so too is the relationship.

Written Tue, May 20, 2014 8:01 – 8:16 AM MT